


There's Nothing Funny About Sex

by extremelyperturbed



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Emphasis on Comedy, F/M, First Time, Oral Sex, sex comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-07-11 18:17:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7064893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/extremelyperturbed/pseuds/extremelyperturbed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I recently saw the movie Captain America: Civil War and thought that pairing Vision and Wanda was an odd concept but interesting.  The more I thought about it, the more I thought sex comedy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There's Nothing Funny About Sex

"Vision . . . wants to try sex," said Wanda said to Natasha as they sat on the bed in Natasha's room. She was much more confident that Vision wouldn't absentmindedly wander in to ask if she wanted to watch something or try out a new recipe if they were sitting here. Everybody knew how intensely Natasha valued her privacy. 

Natasha didn't look the least bit fazed but then a poker face was an essential part of spy craft. "How do you feel about it?"

"I like him," she said. "I did point out that he didn't have the parts for it and I didn't think he'd want to . . ." 

"I thought he's been enjoying cuddling and kissing while you two watch movies."

"He says he does."

"Do you doubt him?"

"No, he's not lying. He said that he could make, his words, a model of the appropriate body part."

Natasha smiled and said, "I think this is all rather sweet. I don't see the problem." She narrowed her eyes. "Is this your first time?"

Wanda looked down. Busted, she thought.

"Would you like to talk to Tony about this?"

"Oh, God no!" She found the idea completely cringe worthy.

"Just teasing. I think you're worried about making him do something he doesn't get something out of."

"Yes," said Wanda. 

"He already cooks for you even though he doesn't need to eat." Natasha thinks for a second then said, "Vision obviously likes you. And assuming you have a normal sex drive, he wants you to keep on liking him. I've known a lot of men who, because of injury or illness, couldn't perform but what made them feel good about themselves was making sure their partner didn't go without. And really that's the thing that counts the most, both of you get something out of this even if they're different things."

"This is so embarrassing. I didn't know who else to talk to." 

"It's not a problem. The trick is that you're going to have to tell him directly what you need and what you want. Also, if something hurts or even feels a bit weird, you totally get him to stop. It's the only way he can learn what you like. Don't pretend to like something you don't because he'll keep on doing it, thinking you like it."

Sounds like she knows from experience, thought Wanda. 

***

"Vision?" said Wanda as the movie Sense and Sensibility ended and the credits were starting to roll. 

"Yes, Wanda."

Wanda sighed. "I was wondering if you'd like to . . . spend the night with me."

Vision looked surprised but in a pleased way. "I appreciate any time spent with you."

"You know I mean sex, right?" Occasionally, things just sailed over his head. 

"Yes, I have been doing a lot of research regarding this."

"Just making sure we're both on the same wavelength." His statement regarding research gave her slight pause. She wondered if and what kind of advice her fellow team members were giving him. 

They sat on her bed and began kissing. In this, she knew that he was a master. No excessive drooling or immediately and aggressively sticking his tongue into her mouth, he made sure to tease her mouth open into accepting him.

She unbuttoned her top and he slid them off her. As for his own clothes, he had them pass right through him so now he was sitting on them. She had the passing thought of how utterly convenient that ability was. The thought passed because he was wrapping his lips around her left nipple while fondling her right breast. He paused to look up at her as if for direction and she told him to keep going.

When he got to her waist, he helped take off her skirt and saw that she was not wearing her panties. "Your pubic hair is so thick and healthy!"

You really need to work on your dirty talk, she thought but she didn't have much time to think about that because his right index finger was on her clit and it was vibrating. "Ohhh . . ."

"Does that feel good?"

"It feels great."

"Would you like me to apply itself inside of you?"

"Do it," she said.

He inserted a finger inside of her and had it vibrate while putting his thumb on her clit, rubbing it gently. As she became wet, he inserted another finger and had them both vibrate inside of her. 

"Why . . . why did you stop?" she said, catching her breath. She had been right on the edge . . . If he walked out that door to get something, she was going to really be pissed. 

"i wanted to spend more time appreciating your orgasm face. Also I wanted to take a closer look at your vulva," Vision said.

"You sound a little bit like a doctor," said Wanda. 

Vision thinks a little then said, "Do you like that kind of role play?"

"Maybe another time, how you just use that tongue of yours down there?" It crossed her mind that being a dominatrix would be something to look into. 

He took his sweet time tasting the lips of her pussy then began massaging her clit with the tip of his tongue. Things really became intense when he inserted his fingers into her vagina while his tongue began vibrating on her clit. She curled her toes, arched her back, closed her eyes and yelled as a shock wave of pleasure hit her entire body.

"I hope you enjoyed yourself," he said as she enjoyed the afterglow. 

She briefly wondered if she should tell him not to be so humble but then decided it was way better than being smug. "Tomorrow night?"

"Oh, yes."

The End

**Author's Note:**

> All my knowledge of Marvel comic book characters comes from the movies and the occasional article I read about the comics. 
> 
> I think Natasha would be a good person to talk to about this, at least the performance aspect.
> 
> When Vision walked through the wall and wore a sweater in that one scene, I kept thinking absent-minded professor.


End file.
